Life Update

with gratitude

I quit dyeing my hair blonde. A new sun spot arrived on my forehead like a pressed penny with its dark imprint. I make no effort to hide it. I’m selling my things. Throwing away letters and trinkets I’ve held for years. Soon, everything I own will be in boxes and I’ll be in new sun. The late basil, parsley, and cilantro harvested, dried, given to friends. For a while I thought my life stood still while those around me orbited closer and closer to their own particular satisfaction. I wondered if God listened though years had passed since a prayer left my lips. Still, I watered the garden knowing what grows won’t last. I forgot my illusion of certainty. Resolved myself to a thousand more failures as a necessary means to the life I wanted. Now, you’ll see everything I need is on my back. The rest forgotten or stowed away. What matters can’t be bought or sold or held for very long. Before all this, I’m going to sit on the deck and watch the ripe moon cling to the night sky. I can’t wait to be light.

if you’re wondering, no I can’t read my handwriting either

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I’m sharing an unfinished poem~ and I am moving my things into storage. We’re spending August/September in Europe. First, Mallorca with some friends to watch the solar eclipse. Then Greece. Visiting some of my partner’s extended family in Sicily. Making our way through Italy. A trek in the Dolomites. A train from there all the way into Munich. It has been so long since I’ve traveled anywhere outside the U.S. I've almost forgotten that travel is so important to me. A way to step out of patterns of familiarity, try on new ways of seeing the world, reconnect with the pleasure of discovery. That what is important to me is worth sacrificing for—time and money especially.

There’s a lot up in the air in my life right now, which is how it feels much of the time. All I know how to do is take one step and then the next one. One of my guiding practices is asking myself what feels warm? And then sitting with my body until an inkling of knowing arises. Then I go toward it if I’m brave enough.

That’s what I did with my book. What feels warm? How can I move toward that feeling? How can I trust it?

Anyway, I’m shipping orders out this week! Thank you endlessly to those of you who have already purchased a book or offered me your support and encouragement. I can’t wait for you to read it. I’m pinching myself that there are even people who want to. If you have any interest in getting a copy, please do so soon! Otherwise, later this summer they’ll be in a box somewhere while I go make myself light.